“Cry Me a Cockroach,” The San Antonio Zoo’s Genius Valentine’s Day Fundraiser

Valentine’s Day is typically for the celebration of loved ones, focusing on your special someone and perpetuating all of the lovey-dovey acts you possibly can. Keyword: normally.

However, what exists in this dichotomy is those who aren’t fortunate enough to have that Romeo or Juliet in their life to give them a teddy bear or box of chocolates. And if you’re one of those people, the San Antonio Zoo has you covered. 

Back by popular demand is the annual “Cry Me a Cockroach” fundraiser, where for just $10, the zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it alive to a hungry animal. 

“Funds raised support the zoo’s vision of securing a future for wildlife in Texas and around the world!” says the zoo’s webpage, which also offers a $5 vegetable or $25 rodent option. 

I asked fellow editor, Mt. Hebron senior Joshua Mathew, what he thought about donating $10 to name a roach after his ex.

”Hell no, I don’t have the time for that. Plus I’m broke,” he said. 

In Mathew’s case, that $5 vegetable option might just be the way to go. 

As part of your donation, you’ll also receive a digital Valentine’s Day Card that’s shareable on social media to prove your charitable contribution to the zoo. Additionally, your not-so-special ex will receive a card informing them that they were named after a cockroach, veggie, or rodent and fed to an animal — just in case there was any doubt.

And if that plague in your life REALLY bugged you this last year, for $150, the zoo will produce an individualized video message along with the video of the animal being fed, although they plead that users keep the message PG-13.

The seemingly silly fundraiser was a massive success last year as over 8,000 donations from all 50 states, and 30 countries were received, with names ‘Jacob’ and ‘Sarah’ being the most popular requests for exes. 

The zoo’s public relations director, Cyle Perez, claims they’re already on track to beat last year’s record, with names ‘Zach’ and ‘Adam’ topping submitted ex-names thus far.

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