There are a lot of questions as to what the “M” in Citizen M stands for. While I can’t disclose that information (and not because I don’t know what it stands for, either, because I totally do know), I CAN tell you what it DOESN’T mean. It surely doesn’t mean Meningitis. Or Measles. Or Malaria. Or Man, I’m Sick! However, with the recent atmosphere at Mt. Hebron, it might as well mean all of those things.
You can blame the change in seasons for the outbreak in sniffles, but it’s still super annoying. Why does everyone get sick at the same time? I can hear a tiny little health teacher going, “Because germs are spread through air and human contact!” Yeah, okay, that’s a bunch of bologna. How does the ENTIRE school get sick simultaneously? It happens within the span of 24 hours, too. One day everyone is laughing and skipping down the halls and braiding each other’s hair and throwing rose petals. But the next day comes and bodies are being dragged across the floor as people’s noses come off and insides explode. It’s terrifying. A little exaggerated, but still terrifying.
I would say grab a tissue, but GOTCHA! — teachers never have any. Wasn’t it, like, a grade to bring tissue boxes in for elementary school teachers? You know they have got to have those things stocked up for every teacher for the next 800 years. I don’t appreciate the fact that as soon as my hand reaches desperately into that cardboard box and pulls out empty air, another lung collapses. So thanks for that, universe.
Not to mention how, whilst being sick, you have to watch the .2% of people who aren’t sick walking joyously and healthily through the hallways. They don’t recognize the internal pain you’re going through. Well, they might be able to tell based off your probable external appearance. Have you not heard? Puffy eyes and bright red noses are so in.
“Why don’t you just stay home if you’re sick?” I’m sorry, do you not understand anything at all ever? Missing one day of class — no big deal! Actually, no! Very big deal! One day the Aztecs and Incas are fighting in History, and the next Obama is the president. The amount of work you miss from being sick is unbelievable. You could come in late to first period and have three quizzes and 18 homework assignments you missed. It’s the definition of a lose-lose situation. I’d rather sneeze my way through one day than curl up into the fetal position on my bedroom floor due to the intolerable stress that follows make-up work.
Why can’t colds and infections just…you know…not exist? It makes everything harder for everyone. Not only are you sad from being sick, but your parents are sad. Your friends are sad that you’re not at school. Your teachers are sad that you don’t get to experience yet another day of rigorous and enlightening learning. Sadness. Sickness. There’s a reason they both start with S. Just like why Citizen M has the capital M. Maybe it stands for More People Keep Getting Sick, and It’s Making Me Angry. See you all on the flip side… Hopefully — it depends on if you’re sick. And if you are, bless you.