A wise man by the name of Aristotle once said, “The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.” School is back in session, bros, and I, Citizen M, can honestly say that I agree with one half of this intelligent statement I found on Google. I would, however, like to know what fruit my man is talking about and where he’s getting it from, because I personally have not received any. Which is annoying.

I would say “Welcome back, fam!”, but to be quite honest, it doesn’t feel right to do so. Because in case you all forgot, we were literally here nine weeks ago. That means summer only lasted nine weeks. Nine. Nueve. We’re here two weeks before Labor Day. Frankly, Mt.Hebron/HCPSS/world, that’s a bit too soon. Here’s a quick poem for you all:

I’m ready to tackle the year and do all my homework!

I love getting up at 6am!

School is so fun and easy!

This poem, despite its creative ingeniousness, would be a lot easier to believe if school didn’t start August 24th. If you set up the formula correctly, subtract all the variables, cry about the summer homework you did not do, and carry the one, you will see we had roughly two months of summer. Which, in teenager time, is approximately four and a half seconds. I didn’t miss half the people I didn’t see over the summer simply because I practically saw them yesterday in third period as a junior. There’s something seriously so wrong with that.

Where’s our down time? We are budding young adults who need the satisfaction and sanctification of a guaranteed summer void of all school-related things. I need relaxation. Rejuvenation. Other big words that start with R. We know, teachers, you miss seeing our lovely faces five days out of the week, but you’re going to have to get over that. Let me get back to my Slip ’N Slide.

Now, it’s the second week of school, and we are all once again getting accustomed to all of the less-than-favorable circumstances that occur when you walk in those front doors of Mt. Hebron.

Let’s start with those doors, shall we? I think I mentioned once how the freshmen always coincidentally end up by every doorway ever, and I would just like to point out that that is still happening. So thanks for that.

“But the hallways are never crowded!” said no one ever. Weaving our way through a bunch of over-excited freshmen and cranky seniors is not what I would prefer to do at seven in the morning. I would much rather be weaving my way through hot sand into an ocean, eating grapes and drinking from a coconut while being fanned with those big leafy things.

And how about syllabi? Heart eye emoji. Granted, it’s not homework, but it’s still paper that we have to apply the pressure of a pencil onto. Not to mention we have to do it, like, seven billion times because each class gives us a syllabus. Hot dog.

Teachers, you guys are all generally pretty cool. Try not to take our unwillingness personally — we are just so tired. We are so hungry. We really just want to sit on our couch. It’s true, learning can be…fun. However, when I’m running on approximately five hours of sleep and a Cheerio or two, it’s not fun. It is, quite frankly, the opposite of fun.

With all of this being said, learning and school are entirely what you make it. Right now, I’m kind of making it a negative thing, BUT that’s because I’m Citizen M, and I say a lot of things. School is beneficial, too, and some subjects are really exciting. You might feel some of that excitement right now because it’s the second week of school. It’s understandable, but there’s a good chance it’ll pass. I suggest making the best of it.